Every night of my life I have tried to please my mom; I empty the dishwasher when she knows I hate the steam that flows from it's depths; I fold the clothes when she knows that I'd much rather be on my easel, painting another amateur Van Gogh; I slide my butt across my driveway, just so that I can safely get across the ice so I can walk my dog when she knows that my bent tailbone is the source of my fear of falling.
Every day, I'm in constant fear that I'm gunna let her down. Am I the only one who feels this way? It sounds pathetic but I'm crying right now.
Tonight was a new one, you're gunna love this: I emptied the dishwasher, cleaned the whole kitchen and folded every piece of clothing that was in my house, even the socks. I felt pretty good being able to watch tv in bed after a long day of school and homework and life at home, until I heard my name being screamed from downstairs. When I took a shower in my moms room, I guess I didn't notice her dirty work pants on the floor. Whoops. She made me feel like a selfish bitch (there's no other word that can describe me so excuse my profanity).
I try to be a good person. I apologize to my friends and my family and enemies, even if I wasn't in the wrong. I spend my birthday money, the only income I get during the year, and use it to buy people's Christmas presents. I try to add a job to my schedule to help with the load of my activities but I wasn't allowed.
I'm trying, so why isn't it working? Why do I feel like a piece of shit most of the time? I'm not a wuss or a cry baby, I just want someone to notice the good things, instead of just the bad.
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